To Oprah Winfrey - What I know for Sure

Recently, while waiting my turn in a hospital waiting room, I picked up an old copy of O, THE OPRAH MAGAZINE. Several things drew me to it, her beautiful face of course, but also the topics. The one I turned to first was What do you know for sure? 22 simple, surprising, brilliant rules to live by. Apparently she closes each issue with comments based on a question the late Gene Siskel asked her many years ago and she has been asking herself and others ever since.

In this issue she had asked 22 people from all walks of life to comment. On the last page of this issue, (which you can Google and find), was a list of her own 20 all time top comments. She readily admits that it changes with the seasons of her life but there were several profound thoughts. It was very interesting reading and, as those things do, made me ask myself the same question. What do I know for sure? At first, I had vague responses, but nothing popped into my mind that would make a top 20 list. Until this morning.

My phone rang at 7 and my older daughter, Elizabeth, reported that my granddaughter was indeed just a touch too under the weather to go to day care and they were on their way to me as we had agreed last night. I would tend Natalie Bird for the morning while her mother went to work and she would leave after half a day so that I could tend to the things on my list that had to get done.

As Nattie B and I settled into a morning of Dora the Explorer balanced with two year old hands helping to empty the dishwasher, and telling stories while she played with the many nativity sets still adorning my post Christmas/ pre Epiphany house, my eyes caught sight of the magazine on the corner of the kitchen table ( yes, I asked before I brought it home with me ) and I knew, I knew for sure, that this was the most important thing I could be doing with my day, no matter what I had planned to do as of yesterday. It isn't that "my" list is any less important than Elizabeth's, it is simply that sometimes "Plan B" legitimately usurps "Plan A."

My plan A today was important, I am sure of that too, but at 59, I am more likely to keep the big picture in mind and not the ups and downs of any one day in my daily life.

I live a life that matters. I have loved well and I am well loved. I am a nurse who makes a difference in the lives of many. I am a lay minister and a lay chaplain and I am a writer. My spoken word and my written words have gone out into the world to help others and that all matters, but helping my grown children be the best parents they can be is the most important thing that I am doing in this chapter of my life - THIS I know for sure.

In the Bible in 1 Thessalonians, chapter 5 verse 11 it says, "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, (just as in fact you are doing.)" Paul was writing to the Thessalonians and talking about encouraging one another in their faith journey. I have found that parenting is much like a journey of faith; faith that you are doing the right thing, faith in the future, faith that what you do today matters in the grand scheme.

How blessed I am to have 4 grown children who turn to me for encouragement and how much I have learned about what encouragement looks like. When I was a younger grandmother it often meant giving what I thought was sage advice from my own experiences of parenting. As I get older I just as often hold my tongue and listen before I speak knowing that while some things never change the journey of parenting in 2010 is much different than parenting from 1969 when I became a mother to 2003 when my youngest reached the age of 21. I have also learned that sometimes encouragement is very gentle and sometimes it is very firm but always, it looks and feels like love.

Some women my age are starting new careers, some are retiring and some are reveling in free time to travel or explore the world. Many are divorcing or remarrying men with a whole other set of children to raise even as their own children are giving birth. I know that grandparenting comes in as many varieties as does parenting, but for me, whenever it is possible, I choose to be a grandma who offers love and encouragement, to fertilize the landscape in which my remarkable children and their spouses are parenting. That choice looks different every day, but today it means keeping Natalie Bird so her mother can work. I am delighted to be able to do that.

Oh, there is one more thing I know for sure. When Nattie B says " come dance with me gramma bevy" it is an invitation to joy. Gotta go. I have been called to dance.